Another day down

So I wake up this morning and realized something important was missing from my life, my internet. UGH, I truly forgot to pay the bill. I will pay it when I get home. I am sitting at work, waiting to clock on and decided to have a breakfast burrito and just chill. I was talking with a coworker about a situation she may have gotten herself into. I dunno but things may end up having a positive turnout for her. In her case, it will be very unwelcomed. But first things first, I told her to find out and we can worry about things then.


So, I went back and read my last post and I realized that my path of self destruction was not clearly defined. Although I will not define it all the way, I just wanted to clarify the fact, I didn't get lost in the world of drugs. It was never my thing. I tried pot 2 twice and hated it and speed a few times but I enjoy sleep too much to continue taking it. I smoked for about 12 years and finally quit and now my only vice is my caffeine intake. I used to drunk very heavily but that kinda goes hand in hand with self destruction.

I hated myself for the longest time and didn't want to live. I figured if i drank enough or slept with enough guys, something would happen to me and I would end up dying. Nope, here I sit today, blogging about my adventures back in the day.

So I ended up give hubby some release last night, I hope he is a bit more personable now. I took the steps yet again to make him happy. I am tired of feeling like I am the one who has to give and give and give and all he does is take. I know he feels the same way but we truly are somewhere in the middle. We just need to find this ground. I know he thinks he is right and I think I am right. I wished he would sit down and talk to me without yelling so much.

I have 3 mins to clock in, I will continue more on my break.

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Ok, I have about 10 mins left on my break. I took time out to answer the 50 formspring questions i had in my inbox. Good ones today.

So, now that I am starting to bear my life for the world to see, I do not feel any differently. I do however like to talk and this is a good way to get things out. I was sitting in bed with DD8 last night and she was messing around in her diary and I asked her to write in it as a way to get her feeling out. She said she wanted to write about her daddy. I asked her what was on her mind, she said Pizza. I asked her to then write about pizza. We will see. I may not be able to get on here to update as much but I will continue to write in word and will transfer my writing when i get to an internet access point.

When did my life so bad? Why did I settle instead of just taking charge? I used to be that girl. i used to want to do everything. I was the one who told everyone else this is it and I was front and center. Now all I want to do is blend into the crowd. I hate the fact I am 100+ pounds over weight. it kills me but I lack the motivation to do anything about it....oh well. Break is over, I will add more later.

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I do not feel like typing anymore today. I had to drive round trip about 40 miles...the last 20 my brakes were stuck and I had to smell them the whole way home...which by the way stink high to holy Hale! I got home and my tire well was smoking....ugh...it was a very scary trip.